If you left a survey for burglars to fill out the next time they ransacked your home, how would they rate the experience?

If you left a survey for burglars to fill out the next time they ransacked your home, how would the… by Jordan Yates

Answer by Jordan Yates:

Jordan’s Dorm

Please provide feedback on how we could improve your experience. All comments are appreciated!

Product availability: 2/10

Comments: There wasn’t even a TV I could steal. Just a mini fridge that smelled like three-week-old chicken and a terracotta statue. Would’ve been a zero but I found a bag of two-dozen mint chocolate cookies.

Accessibility: 1/10

Comments: Those stairs were brutal. No elevator? Come on now.

Staff experience: 3/10

Comments: I walked in and a girl with no pants on blasting showtunes screamed at me before hiding behind the couch. She told me to “take anything except her Hamilton playbill” and then proceeded to quietly sob while rapping something vaguely reminiscent of “The Real Slim Shady”. It was weird.

Location: 7/10

Comments: Scenic. I really enjoyed the walk. Parking was convenient—I was able to pull my SUV right up to the building to load out her stuff. Greatly appreciated.

Anything else you’d like to tell us?

Cool place. Overall, I’d give it a 5/10—would ransack again, if I was in the neighborhood.

If you left a survey for burglars to fill out the next time they ransacked your home, how would they rate the experience?