My answer to How do you escape controlling parrents?
Answer by Enna Morgan:
Thanks for the A2A.
I will preface my answer by saying that I am not quite sure what is meant by ‘controlling parents.’ I feel that in our society today, the words ‘control, manipulate,’ and ‘abuse’ are flagrantly thrown around, and they come packed with a host of misconceptions, implications, and fallacies. So when they are used in a sentence or question, without context, their meaning, to me, is not clear
Second, I will also say that I do believe that it is a parent’s job to ‘control’ their children, if not, then we witness as we see today, a society gone amok, because the ‘control’ was taken from both parents and teachers, and the children are made to be responsibile for themselves; that is the dumbest notion I have ever known!
That being said, I will now address the question:
How do you escape controlling parents?
Well that depends on your age.
From age 1 to 13, you do need parental guidance and ‘control.’ Regardless of how much you think you know, and how much you do know, you do not have the balance of knowledge, maturity, and wherewithall to navigate the world alone.
Age 13 – 15. I will use Mark Twain’s comment to emphasise my point: ‘’When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.’’
What does it mean? Very simply that right around age 13, we have enough information to delude ourselves into thinking that we are brilliant and that everyone else is ignorant. Around age 21, a few short years after we taste the ‘real world’ experiences, we begin to realise in hindsight, the value of the good lessons from our ‘controlling’ parents……and miraculously we see them as sage.
So, if you are below age 15, nothing much to do but grin and bear it. If you want mental escape, invest in some good headphones, thank God that you have your own room, and use it as your sanctuary.
At age 15 however, if life is so unbearable that you simple cannot wait to attain majority age of 18, then you can petition The Court to allow you to chose your abode. This will depend on several factors.
- You will have to demonstrate a level of responsibility, to convince the judge that you are capable of making rational and reasonable choices.
- You will have to prove to The Court that there are valid and compelling reasons for wanting to be removed from your natural parents’ home (I am assuming that that is what you mean by ‘escape’).
- You will have to provide The Court with a relative or other adult(s), who is (are) willing to take you into their home and be your surrogate parent(s). Alternatively, if you are financially independent, and concurrently with good academic standing, and you have a good attorney who can convince the court accordingly, then you may even petition for (and win) living independently.
- Most importantly, get a good lawyer. And by good, I mean skilled, knowledgeable, and kick-ass – all three are necessary. There are two basic kinds of a lawyers: pencil pushers (desk attorneys) and court attorneys. I like court attorneys, they get shit done, desk attorneys have a distinct penchant for not fancying getting off their duff, so they are not very aggressive in winning cases. This has been my experience.
- Good luck! Choose wisely! Some things cannot be reversed, and choosing to divorce your parents is one of them. You may succeed in reuniting with them, or even returning to their home, but psychologically, the barrier will remain…..perhaps forever.