Shacking-up could affect both health, and credit!

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Alone or not alone? That is the quintessential question for these stringent times of skyrocketing unemployment rates and soaring eviction notices. But before you make life-altering decisions by seeking roomies to share the rent, think carefully about the folks you are inviting into your private, personal sanctum!

Here are a few things to consider. Feel free to use this to create your own personal questionnaire

The safety net. Have enough in your bank account to cover the full rent for the next 6 months, and if you don’t, then be prepared to kiss your credit score adieu!
Keep your friends close. Don’t give your relationship with your parents or friends the kiss of death, as you may need them when roomie doesn’t pay the rent, and lies about it, and you come home one day to that 3-day pay-or-vacate notice!
Accountability. Make sure that roomie is on the lease, and on every utility account, because if they are not, you are totally liable for their deficiencies. But be sure that you are pulling your equal weight also.
Think ahead. Be sure that the deposit amount is made a separate responsibility, meaning, payable to the LL separately. This way, if roomie (or you, or your compadres) punches holes in the walls, or have their cat pee in the carpet (the smell of which is near impossible to remove!) it is the respective occupant’s deposit being forfeited.
Try it before you buy it! A few years ago I did an experiment with myself. I went on 21 days of vacationing, bent on self-exploration, and discovery of the world through different lens. I stayed in hostels, open dorms, mixed dorms, very expensive hotels, and places that I would not have ordinarily selected (not unsafe or unclean places, just not my style of places). I learnt an awful lot! Not only did I discover the origins of my own idiosyncrasies, but I also got a microscopic view of the inner workings of others. And boy, what a kaleidoscopic view! But I also discovered how totally fascinating is that human element. The saving grace at the end of any not-too-tolerable day, was that these were only short-lived encounters, and that I could pull the plug at any time by just checking out, or requesting another room (which I did on a few occasions). But your lease is not so easy to escape from, so find a way to try out the roomie first. Perhaps a weekend sleep-over? Might save you from a bullet to the bank account.
Boundaries. Learn to say no….real quick! This will become a handy skill from day one, when the old “Can you give me a hand moving my 600-pound heirloom dresser up the 12 flights of stairs” comes rolling around. A slipped disc can not only cause you to lose your tenancy, but also your job.
Responsibility. Other than the lease and its attending litany of dos and don’ts, make an agreement documenting each person’s responsibilities and the general conditions for co-habiting. Not that you all will abide 100%, but it minimises some shit, and at the very least, it alerts the others that you don’t plan on playing Mommy dearest.
Consistency. On the other side of that coin is you following through with your side of the bargain. We can influence others through our behaviour. If you are inconsistent in following the parameters established, then it is really difficult to build a case against others when they follow your example.
Security. Make sure that each door has locks. Trust me, this fractional cost (approx. $40.00) pales in comparison to the fresh hell with a hefty price tag of some hundreds or thousands that you will meet as you plummet down that thorny road of regret; hitting every thorn on the way. Think parties; random who-the-hell-is-this-piece-of-mess swaggering in and out of the home, while I’m at work; strange and frequent bootie calls; and my all-time favourite nightmare: coming home one day to a house that looks like it should have yellow tape and pine cones around it, with a sign, “Katrina Returns!”
Be pro-active. Ask to see their credit report. Here is a tip, a person who has difficulty paying such simple responsibilities as parking tickets, will have a real hard time paying rent, utilities, and their share of the internet. Don’t ignore that red flag.
The red flags are there to be read, not to smack you in the head! A few other free tips (garnered from experience as a LL): If someone has difficulty paying the deposit, they will have trouble with the rent. If this it their first time out of Mama’s house, buckle up, you’re in for a rough and rocky ride! If they are sweet and charming from the beginning, know that the other shoe will surely be a-falling, and that neither the sound nor the sight will be as sweet or charming.
Research. Google is your friend, consult with him. He is free, simple, and has diarrhea of the mouth. Make that work to your benefit. But also, be aware that like every other nosy, all-up-in-everyone’s-coolaid busy-body, Google sometimes get their lowdown a little confused. So, call upon your instincts and common-sense!
Self-advocacy. If you are in dire need of a roomie, and you see a host of red flags but still accepts them because you are in need, then collect the rent 3 months in advance (6 if they can pay it). That way, you have some time to assess the behaviour and find alternatives such as a back-up flat-mate (or hide-out).
Be selective. Now these all seem to scream, “Don’t get a roomie!” right? Nah! Some roomies are a delight, and some may even make you breakfast in bed (highly unlikely, but keep the faith!), so don’t lose heart. There are a lot of lovely roomies you can find, but the operational word is…..FIND! That means, hand-picked, not just snatched off the street. ‘Finding’ takes time and research, plan your work and work your plan.
Live within your means. Remember that if you want a deal bad enough, you will make a bad deal. Choose from a position of strength, not weakness. If you really NEED to get a flat-mate for financial reasons, you will more than likely get a mate with financial difficulties. My advise? Find a flat that you can afford, even if it is the size of a closet. Then at least your problems will be those that YOU created and not those that someone else created for you.
Consideration, mutuality, and reciprocity. Critical to every relationship (in my books) are these three main ingredients. Being smart enough to establish boundaries is a necessary evil in accomplishing them, having a functional (as opposed to dysfunctional) relationship, and being brave enough to be consistent with these ethics, will take your relationship to new and unexplored levels. And you may enjoy a lifetime of lovely flat-mates, and may even set up roomie consultancy service!
Don’t! My final advice is to avoid it if you can. But if you can’t, remember that to others, you are no cream puff to live with either. So before you write that ad for the kind of flat-mate you’d like to have, think of the kind of flat-mate you’d like to be…Then write it accordingly.

Then go for it, hang in there, even if it’s by the skin of your teeth. At the very least, you will have grown as a human, and will have scintillating stories to tell at the fireside after all the roomie trekking is done, and you’re building a nest with that special someone….And who knows, all that experience will have sharpened your skills for selecting that cheery little fireside buddy, or at the very least, shaped you into being a more conscientious roomie!

Disclaimer: I do not live with flat-mates. I have had only 3 experiences in my life, and I’ve concluded that the world of co-habiting can rotate a lot smoother without me.

If there were a contest, I would probably win THE WORLD’S WORST ROOMIE award, as I am NOT easy to get along with, perhaps because my expectations of humans is high, and as others have so succinctly put it, I’m ‘exhausting.’ So being the considerate person that I am, I spare others the heartache 🙂

This list was created from the experience of others, my observations, and my life experiences in other areas. And if I were to ever become lobotomised, or have a moment of insanity, or smoke some real mind-altering, psychedelic shit and entertain the random and fleeting notion of getting a roomie, these are the factors I would consider…..Well, provided that I would have the presence of mind to even ‘consider.’

This response was originally posted on Quora, in response to the question: What are the biggest pieces of advice you’d give someone living with a roommate for the first time?

257 viewsView 2 upvote Submission accepted by Hematita O’Cleirigh · Answer requested by Hematita O’Cleirigh13
Add Comment David Sturgiss April 2

Well written! Upvote· 1Reply